How big is my heart?

It’s a long story as to how I’m running the PTC 15K, but tomorrow morning I am.  For the first time in a LONG time, I’m actually a little nervous.  However, my nerves aren’t about the race.  I’m only using the race as a training run, so there’s no reason to be nervous about that.

I’m nervous because I plan to run 15 miles tomorrow by adding 3 miles before and 3 miles after.  This will be my longest run ever, and honestly, I keep doubting myself and whether I’ll be dying at the end of the 15K and just flake out on the extra 3 after.  My mind is playing tricks with me and making me ask myself if it’s too much too soon?  Will my hip be ok?  Is it too many miles before Savannah?  Will it affect my race there in 3 weeks?  But then, I look at training plan after training plan, and a 2 mile jump is normal.  An increase week, followed by a drop back week, and then another of an increase week by a couple of miles is par for the course.  If I was training for a marathon, then the next step after a half marathon would be 15 miles on Higdon’s Novice 1 plan, so it’s not an abnormal progression, so why am I nervous that I won’t do it?  Notice, I didn’t say that I was nervous because I “can’t” do it.  I guess that’s my answer.  I’m doubting my desire, my heart, my determination.

So, tomorrow is another step for me in answering that question of whether or not I have what it takes in my head & heart to work towards running a marathon in Albany.  I know that I can complete a marathon.  It’s just a matter of if I desire to.

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